Lemon

On a drippy, dismal day
in the County of Kent
a nonsensical union formed
beneath a small purple tent.

Neville and Bea Thornfoot
had become husband and wife,
and so like the weather
began a dull and bleak life.

No vows were sworn,
no joyous tears shed.
and only Neville’s butler
witnessed the two of them wed.

The sole reason for their marriage
was the devil of greed.
She for his money,
and he for “his needs”.

The less than thrilled couple
lived on Gillingham Road
And once through the door split
To sep’rate sides of the abode.

The mansion had wings
In the west and the east,
separated by four hundred
and thirty three feet.

In the West Bea settled
into chocolate and candlelight
While in the East Neville read books on finance
 with utter delight.

On the beaches of Tahiti
they spent their honeymoon.
They spoke not one word to each other
save for the last afternoon.

Under the Polynesia sun,
Bea sat in a palm’s shade,
and complained of the hotel spa
as she sipped lemonade.

It was then that a large seed
managed its way up her straw,
traveled straight down her throat
and nestled up in her craw.

She gasped deep for air,
and began then to whine
to which Neville calmly said,
“Oh dear, you are fine.”

“But I’ve swallowed a seed!”
she yelled with such fright.
And stood up from her chair
to let the beach know her plight.

But she was quickly distracted
by a  man with a tray,
he was passing out drinks
and had sweets on display.

The next morning they left
back to England with speed
and Bea hadn’t one more thought
about the big lemon seed.

That is until one day
during tea with Dot Sack,
Bea felt rather nauseous
and had sharp pain in her back.

Over the next seven weeks
Bea’s belly doubled in size!
She was peeing ev’ry six minutes
and craving pork and fudge pies.

She saw Dr. Pudding
to find out what was wrong.
What he found in her belly
was another heart beating strong.

“Pregnant? I can’t be!”
She screamed less than thrilled.
But what the doctor said next
made all her bones chilled.

“It seems that your baby
grew at a very quick pace
and has the shape of a lemon
but with a human boy’s face.”

Thirteen days later
little Lemon arrived.
And despite ten hours of labor
Bea somehow survived.

He was a ripe bright yellow
and had a well dimpled peel;
 two characteristics  
Bea knew they had to conceal.

“He can never leave the house,”
Bea said in the car.
“It’s too much of an embarrassment,
he’s just too bizarre.”

Neville took on the role
of both mum and dad
since Bea would have nothing
to do with the lad.

She stayed in her wing
ignoring reality,
submerging herself in
her slothful mentality.

Neville kept close watch
on his son each day,
until on special business matters
he was called away.

Butler William was on holiday
in the Isle of Cabore,
and Bea had fired Maid Alice
just two days before.

“There is no one else,
you’re the only one here
and he can’t leave the house
so you must watch him my dear.”

She said, “What?!? I can’t!”
and slammed the door in his face.
But soon Neville cleverly bribed her
with two chocolate cakes.

“I’ll be as brief as I can,”
he said setting a blanket on the floor,
then set little Lemon down on it
and  ran out the door.

For the next two hours
Bea sipped at tonic and gin
and kept a safe distance
from her citrus kin.

Lemon was content
playing on the floor by himself,
until he smacked his forehead
on the corner of a shelf.

Bea had fallen asleep
and was having sweet dreams
when she was woken to the sound
of blood curdling screams.

 She saw little Lemon
standing next to her bed.
He was crying yellow tears
and had a small gash on his head.

Gathering the only ounce of heart in her
and not knowing what else to do,
Bea leaned over and kissed
Lemon’s aching boo-boo.

She licked at her lips
and smiled a devilish grin.
She was liking the taste
of her son’s broken skin.

“He’s delicious!”
she said and took another quick taste.
She wanted more and more
and she moved with much haste.

Neville arrived home
to a horrible scene
his son was sucked dry
and his wife had turned green.

She lay in a puddle
of her own sick and pee.
And in her hands was pulp
and other lemon debris.

Neville divorced his new wife
and then hopped on a train.
And he laid Lemon’s peel to rest
in Valencia, Spain.